Latest Jokes

I asked my doctor why it scratched the skin on the back of my hand when the dog pawed it.

He told me when you get older your skin gets thinner.

Happy to know this... it explains a lot about my disposition too.

I'm trying to eat healthy so I'm making some "whole grain" oatmeal cookies. I don't like raisins so I'm substituting them for M&M's.

I think their about the same thing, they both came from plants, right?!?!

A long time ago, a father, visiting America for the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.

He constantly asked questions about products he saw, "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"

"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice."

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?"

"Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"

A few minutes later, in a different aisle, "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"

After eating his entire meal, an elderly man motioned for the server. When the server approached him, he asked for the manager. He explained he would not pay for the meal.

The manager responded by contacting the police. When the police arrived, they heard the complaint. They responded to the senior, "You need to pay for your meal, Sir."

The man vehemently refused to pay. The frustrated police officer said, "But you ate the entire meal?"

The old man yelled back, "I kept hoping the next bite would be better."