One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Just do it!"
A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000.
When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, "It was quite small, but tasted very good."
He asked her, after her shocking reply, "Mom, that was a $5000 bird that can speak five languages and you ate him?"
"Well, if he could speak five languages he should have spoken up."
A wife announced to her husband that since today was their 25th wedding anniversary she had been dreaming about pearls, a very strong hint indeed.
Her husband replied, "Wait until tonight dear."
That evening, after a delicious dinner, he gave her the wedding anniversary gift. A book entitled, "How to Interpret Dreams."
That's when the fight started.