Latest Jokes

I was cleaning a hotel room when the previous occupant came in, looking for her husband’s keys.

We searched high and low without luck. I finally peeked underneath the bed closest to the wall.

"Don’t bother—that was my bed," she said. "He wouldn’t have gone anywhere near it."

An item for sale on craigslist....

"Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $30. [If she’s home, $100.]"

When my friend got a job, her husband agreed to share the housework. He was stunned by the amount of effort involved in keeping a house clean with small boys to pick up after, and insisted that he and his wife shop for a new vacuum cleaner.

The salesman gave them a demonstration of the latest model. “It comes equipped with all the newest features,” he assured them.

The husband was not convinced. “Don’t you have a riding one?” he asked.

My sister decided to go on a diet, and that first evening she phoned me. I could tell her mouth was full, so I asked her what she was eating.

“A cupcake,” she mumbled. “I just got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150.”