My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account.
One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.”
Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook, “That's okay, I’m using rubber.”
Hanging in the hallway at a high school are the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
I ate a salad for lunch today! Well, mostly croutons and tomatoes...
Actually one big round crouton and tomato sauce. And cheese...
FINE! It was a pizza. I ate a pizza for lunch!
Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army.
"My sergeants are wonderful", said one soldier.
"I wish I could say the same about mine," said the other.
"You could if you could lie as I do."