Latest Jokes

Bingo and Bango were two of Santa's elves assigned to make cheese for Christmas food baskets. However, they got into a slight argument about who was to do what.

"I know how to make cheese, Santa," said Bango. "The thickened curds and gelatinized whey separate from coagulated milk. We then press the mixture and allow it to ripen and cure. Voila, cheese!"

"There's a lot more to it than that," said Bingo. "I don't think you're experienced enough."

"Can't I just thicken the curds to help make the cheese?" begged Bango.

"All right, Bango," conceded Santa. "I'll let you thicken the curds, but Bingo gels all the whey!"

A woman with a baby walked into a doctor's office. She asked if they could weigh the baby.

A nurse said that the baby scale was not working that day, but what they could do is weigh the mother while she was holding the baby, and then weigh the mother by herself, and subtract.

The woman thought about this for a minute. "It wouldn't work," she said, "I'm not the mother; I'm the aunt."

On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add to the starting line-up. The coach asks, "What did you bring that horse here for?"

The scout replies, "Wait until you see him bat."

All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point, the horse grabs the bat, and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse. The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home plate when astonishingly the horse hits the ball deep in the outfield.

The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base. The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, "If he could run, he'd be at Belmont!"