Latest Jokes

My mother says she never holds grudges but then will blindside you with something that happened years ago.

Last week she said, "You know, you really hurt me on your birthday."

And I was like, "Which birthday was that?"

So she replied, "The first one. You have a really big head, you know."

Two magnets were having a conversation. "I went on a blind date yesterday"

"Oh really…how did it go?"

"Unfortunately, not so well."

"Why not?"

"There was no attraction."

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.

May your dressing be tasty, May your turkey be plump...

May your potatoes and gravy, Have never a lump...

May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize...

And may your Thanksgiving dinner, Stay off your thighs!