Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Santa!"
Doctor: "Your suffering from Claus-trophobia."
Why is Christmas like a day at the office?
Because, you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
What's the difference between the Government & The Mafia?
Only one of them is organized.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.''
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does he do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''