Latest Jokes

I forgot where the sun came up....

Then it dawned on me.

A guy is at a bar, staring at his drink. Then a big truck driver comes up, takes the drink and chugs it down. The poor man starts crying. The trucker says, "I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." ... "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to work, so my boss fires me. When I leave, I discover my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home and realize I left my wallet in the cab. I go home and find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave, come to this bar and just as I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"

The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"

The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

"Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this?

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.

Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"