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Favorite this joke An old man was LYING IN HIS DEATH bed upstairs. His favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath he was sure he could smell freshly-backed chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shacking hand towards the cookies.
Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DONT TOUCH THOSE - THEY' RE FOR THE FUNERAL!!!"
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen in front of them.
The young farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole"
Mr. Norton was in the hospital recovering from an operation when the nurse on duty received a call from a man who asked how Mr. Norton was doing.
"Oh, quite well. We expect he'll be released in the morning."
"Very good, thank you."
"May I ask who is calling so that I can tell Mr. Norton?" inquired the nurse.
"This IS Mr. Norton. The doctors don't tell me anything!"
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