Latest Jokes

Blessed Be The Tie

A guy walking in the desert desperately needed a drink. As he followed the dunes, he came upon another man riding a camel. He asked the man if he had something to drink.

The man on the camel said "No, but if you like, I have a nice selection of ties. Would you like to buy one?"

"No!" The first man replied. "Are you crazy? I need something to drink, not a tie!"

So the man on the camel rode on, and the walking man continued his slow and very thirsty trek for several days. Finally he came upon a Cantina.

He gratefully approached the doorman at the Cantina and said, "I'm so glad I made it! Can I get in and get some water?"

The doorman frowned at him. "Not without a tie."

A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about.

He told his mother “Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can’t stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him.

The mother couldn’t understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her.

To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s’ talking about! We learned the hymn ‘Gladly The Cross I’d Bear'”.

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read,

“Thank you. Please come again.”

Why did the Walkers not bite Glen in the Coffee Shop?

The Zombies were busy taking a selfie.