Latest Jokes

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

Two men (a Russian and an American) were talking about their countries' accomplishments.

The Russian says, "We were the first to go into Space."

The American replies, "Well, we were the first to land on the moon."

Sick of their arrogance, another man comes over and says, "Oh yeah! Well, I'm gonna be the first one on the Sun!"

The Russian and American both laugh saying, "You can't go to the Sun. It's too hot. You'll burn up"

The man confidently replies, "I'm not an idiot. I'll just go at night!"

A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."

The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.

The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.

He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?"

The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says,

"Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"

Zack and Tybe, two Country Farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece. They sold each one for a dollar.

After counting up their cash, they realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money they'd started out with.

"See! " said Tybe. "Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck! "