Latest Jokes

After successfully getting their big line items approved in the congressional spending package, two lobbyists were celebrating at a Washington restaurant.
“You know,” mused one, “it’s a crying, shame our grandchildren and great-grandchildren haven’t been born yet so they can see the terrific things the government‘s doing with their money.

A tired traveler decided to find a hotel for the night. He stumbled to the front desk and said to the clerk, “Pardon me, I’m exhausted, I’ve been driving for fourteen hours, I’m hungry, and I have a headache. Can you just tell me what room I’m in?”
“Certainly, sir,” the helpful clerk replied. “You are in the lobby.”

A woman stopped at a historic old hotel and asked the desk clerk for the room rates. “A room on the first floor is none hundred and fifty dollars; on the second floor, one hundred and forty dollars, and on the third floor, one hundred and thirty dollars.”
The woman turned to leave. “Don’t you like the accommodations?” asked the clerk.
“Oh, yes, it’s great,” replied the woman. “It just isn’t tall enough.”

I’m worried about your heart murmur,” the doc told Jack. “I’ve always had a heart murmur,” Jack protested. “Yeah,” replied the doc, “but now the murmur has started
humming.” “That doesn’t sound good!” Jack was getting worried now. “It’s worse than you think,” the doc said. “It’s humming ‘Nearer My God to Thee.’”