A man came to the emergency room with a series of long, jagged tear marks on his cheek and neck, as though he had been clawed by some large animal.
"What happened to you?" asked the doctor who was examining him.
"Chain saw accident," the man replied.
"Well, you're lucky," the doctor said; "I've seen worse."
"It wasn't turned on," the man replied.
A doctor taking care of his last appointment of the day gives this man a thorough exam and finds him in optimal health. As the man is going out the door, he had a heart attack and died. The doctor looks at the man and tells the nurse, “help me turn him around to it looks like he was just coming in.”
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says,
"There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you.
Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
Patient: Doctor, doctor I have only 58 seconds to live!!!!!!
Doctor: I’ll be with you in a minute