According to the scholar, an internist knows everything and does nothing, a surgeon does everything and knows nothing, and a psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing. Only a pathologist knows everything and does everything…too late.
Feeling dizzy and nauseous, Bill went to the doctor. “So,” said the doctor as bill sat on the examining table, “what seems to be the problem?” At once Bill shot his feet, grabbed his hat and coat, and stormed toward the door. “What’s the matter?” claimed the doctor.
“The nerve of you!” Bill snapped. “All those years of medical school, and you want me to make the diagnosis!”
While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”
This guy went to see a highly recommend psychiatrist. The doctor showed the man an inkblot and asked, "What does this remind you of?"
The guy replied, "A naked woman." Then the shrink showed the man another inkblot and asked the guy the same question. The guy responded, "A naked woman on a bed." This went on and on, inkblot after inkblot.
The psychiatrist finally said to the guy, "You are a sick pervert." The guy replied, "I'm not the pervert here. You're the one who keeps showing me all those dirty pictures."