I am constantly drinking Diet Coke.
On a rainy day I told my 9 year-old son that I needed an umbrella because I’m made of sugar and will melt in the rain.
He said, “You sure it's not artificial sugar?”
Scott: "When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress!"
Billy: "Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scott, maybe you should start running now."
Dad: "Johnny, go to bed. You're dozing off on the couch..."
Little Johnny (opening his eyes): "No dad, I'm not dozing... I'm just blinking reaaaally sloooowly."
Mikey: "I ate a submarine sandwich for lunch and I think I'm going to be sick."
Mother: "What makes you say that?"
Mikey: "It's starting to surface."