My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful.
“You know,” he said to our grandson, “it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now.”
“Don’t worry, Grandpa,” Our grandson said cheerily. “Maybe you’ll go into overtime.”
A little boy went down the street with his mom. He saw a dollar bill on the ground and he asked if he could pick it up. The mom said, "Don't pick things up from the ground."
Then the boy saw two dollar bills on the ground. He asked his mom, "Can i pick the two dollars up?"
The mom said again, "Don't pick things up from the ground." Then the mom slipped on a banana peel and fell down. The mom asked, "Can you help me up?"
The boy said, "I was told not to pick things up from the ground."
My daughter loved the movie "The Wizard of Oz" and wanted a pair of ruby slippers just like Dorothy. My wife found a pair that were perfect, except they were very slippery on the stairs.
I told my daughter not to wear them when she was using the stairs. While sitting in my living room I heard the clomp, clomp, clomp of what I knew to be ruby slippers. I yelled up at my daughter saying, "I thought I told you not to wear those shoes on the stairs?"
She replied, "Daddy, I am just carrying my shoes downstairs with my feet."
A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said, "Wow, you're not pretty!"
His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred.
Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly, "Aunt Mildred, I'm sorry you're not pretty."