misc jokes

How come the lifeguard couldn't save the hippie?

He was just too far out man.

Feeling alone? Feeling unwanted, like no one gives a hoot?

Do what I did... don't file your tax returns.

One of my friends hates exercise. To her, getting up in the morning is a moving violation.

The only exercise she get is pushing her luck, stretching the truth, and jumping to conclusions.

Although, she has been known to carry a grudge.

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.

After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"

"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"