Due to finances this year, I'd like to request we lower it from the twelve days of Christmas down to eight.
What has two arms but can't raise them?
A chair.
My wife and seven year old daughter invited their friends to have a tea party but you had to wear a sun dress and a floppy sun hat if you chose to attend. They had a blast laughing and enjoying themselves for over an hour.
I got to thinking what would be the man equivalent to such a party, so I decided to have a bacon party and the requirement was to wear camouflage.
I went to this great yard sale the other day. There were lots of sports memorabilia, electronics, and guy stuff. A huge 50 inch flat screen TV caught my eye with a price tag on $50 on it!
"You only want $50 for this big TV? It must have something wrong with it" I remarked.
"I'll let it go for $50". He said. "It works great, except when you turn it on the volume starts out and stays all the way up."
"Man, I sure can't turn that deal down!"