misc jokes

A woman was walking on the beach right after a horrible divorce, feeling really depressed, and she kicks this bottle.

Out comes a genie, and he says, "I see you are a divorcee, and I hate divorcees! I have been paying me ex alimony for the past 10,000,000 years! However, you did free me, and I will give you a wish, one wish, and your ex will get five times as much."

She starts thinking what she can ask for that will be good for her and bad for her ex, first she wants to ask for a million dollars, but then understands that her ex will get five million. Then she was going to be extremely beautiful, but realizes that her ex will look even better.

After a long time of thinking she says, "I know what I want. I decided that I want to marry a great man, and give birth to his child."

A man being tried for murder happens to know one of the jurors. Before jury deliberation, the man finds a way to contact his friend and emphatically demands that he vote for life in prison with the possibility of parole. The friend agrees.

The jury deliberates for a week and returns a verdict of guilty with life imprisonment. The convicted man phones his friend and asks why it took so long for the verdict.

His friend says, "It took me a long time to convince the other jurors for life imprisonment."

"Why is that?"

"Because they wanted to acquit you!"

Burying your head in the sand doesn't make your problems go away.

It does, however, create a new problem.

Makes you a great target for people who like to kick butt and really get things done.

Ballerinas are always on their toes...

Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?