misc jokes

A three-fer:

What do you get when you cross a former vice president with a slasher film?
A: An Al Gore-fest!

What do you get when you cross a former "90210" actress with a national youth contest?
A: A Tori Spelling-Bee!

What do you get when you cross a presidential candidate with a wind instrument?
A: A Donald Trump-pet!

A magician opened his act by making an egg disappear. A heckler in the front row yells out, “That’s nothing, my ex wife made the house disappear!”

(Client) No one understands me!

(Counselor) Why not?

(Client) It’s much like Newton’s third law of motion! The problem is the general derivation of the thrust equation forces pertaining to cognitive exchanges fail to achieve a proportional cohesion to the value of any given communicable sum. Do you know what I mean?

(Counselor) No…

I really liked my new tattoo! It's written in Japanese kanji and reads, “Dragon Warrior”.

After going to my favorite Chinese restaurant I noticed the server looking at my tattoo. I said it means dragon warrior in Japanese.

She replied, "Oh no, it means 'chop suey' in Chinese."