misc jokes

A man was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made for a wonderful reading. After the man read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all that it says here?"

The agent said, "You most certainly have... why do you ask?"

The man replied, "Cancel the sale, this house is too good to part with!"

A guy gets bitten by a zombie but he hasn't completely turned yet. The end of his finger fell off so he handed it to a non-infected man saying, "This can happen to you, now run!"

Before running, the appreciative man looks back and says, "Thanks for the tip!"

An author wrote a novel and sent it off to a publisher. The publisher held on to the hard copy so long, that termites got into it.

In the final analysis, the book was rejected. The story line had too many holes in it.

Did you hear about the angry fly that sat on the toilet seat all day long?

He finally got peed off.