misc jokes

Man one: Look at the lion tracks.

Man two: You can't fool me, lions don't run on tracks... trains run on tracks.

Two vacuum cleaners are arguing...

"You suck!"
"No, you suck!"

"You suck worse!"
"I don't suck!"

"Why not?"
"I'm not plugged in!"

A woman is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a 'poor, defenseless woman' his seat."

She pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. Again, she refuses to let him up.

Finally, the man says, "Look, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."

After and exhaustive search for an apartment in New York City a man had just arrived at the last possibility listed in the paper. He asked a lady in the lobby where he might find suite number 803.

She replied obviously your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top so…

The man interrupted her before she could say another word and replied sharply, lady, its obvious you’re rude. She left in a huff!

He saw another woman enter the building so he asked her the same question.

She answered by saying; if you’re going to 803 you’ll need to walk the last flight of stairs because the elevator only goes to the seventh floor. Oh, and I see you met Mrs. Stanley; she owns the building.