misc jokes

Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young sons room. She finally had to ask, "Johnny why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?"

He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar. The mother quickly replied, "God gave it to you? How did this happen?"

"Well mom, you give me a dollar to give to God. So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he'll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me."

A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.

He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"

A man driving by an insane asylum got a flat in his front right tire. He took off his tire and put the lug nuts in the wheel cover. As he rose he accidentally kicked the wheel cover and all the lug nuts went into a deep ditch. Looking in disgust he noticed an inmate at the asylum watching him through a chain link fence.

The man shouted out, "Why don't you take a lug nut from the other three wheels and use them to replace the lug nuts you lost?"

The driver said, "That's a great idea!"

The man replied, " Well I may be crazy, but I am not stupid."

What do you call somebody with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows!