misc jokes

Wife mouse asks husband mouse how he’s able to bring home so much food...

He answered by saying, "I’m a gentleman mouse. I always bring someone with me and when we find food I say, 'you first.'"

I took a tumble down the stairs twice last week...

Apparently that’s how I roll.

Last night I had a dream that I won the Lottery...

This morning it wasn't a dream come true.

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't do it anymore.
*Driving a car doesn't always sound like fun.
*The average 10-year-old doesn't have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.
*Being bad is no longer cool.

*You have friends who have kids.
*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.
*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald's Playland.
*Your parents' jokes are now funny.

*You once said, "What-chu talkin' 'bout Willis?" or "Know whatta mean, Vern?"
*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson's "Thriller."
*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.
*Naps are good.

*You once deemed Space Invaders as "The best game ever."
*When things go wrong, you can't just yell, "Do-over!"
*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.
*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

*You want clothes for Christmas.
*You don't want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.
*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realize it's a shot of you from behind.