misc jokes

I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.

Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

I just did a computer rendition of what I'd look like fifty years from now.

Apparently fifty years from now I'll look like a hand full of dirt.

1. What does a typical politician and a dress manufacturer have in common?
One skirts the issues, the other issues skirts.

2. What does a torpedo and a kitchen appliance supplier have in common?
One sinks ships, the other ships sinks.

3. What does a phone app and a U-Haul have in common?
One is downloaded, the other is loaded down.

4. What does a balcony and a drunk have in common?
One has an overhang, the other has a hangover.

5. What does a clown hiding in a cake and a son who discovers his dad's
secret have in common?
One pops out, the other outs pop.

Why are boardwalk models so thin?

It's so the outfit will look the same when you see it on a clothing hanger at the store.