misc jokes

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. Your bologna has no first name.

10. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

Ventriloquist: Hey buddy. Why don't you spell Apple for the audience.

Dummy: Can I go to the bathroom first?

Ventriloquist: Come on just spell Apple.

Dummy: I really need to go.

Ventriloquist: Just spell Apple first.

Dummy: All right. Apple. A-L-E

Ventriloquist: A-L-E? What happened to the P-P?

Dummy: It's running down your arm.

A group of gentlemen had been discussing, since the mid 1800's, about forming a club to address the defective LIBERTY BELL that was ordered from the Whitechapel Foundry of London in 1751. The LIBERTY BELL cracked the first time it was rung. After various attempts to repair the iconic crack, it was last rung in 1846.

The Philadelphia Procrastination Club was finally formed around 1956 with a charter to request authorization from the Whitechapel Foundry for return of the defective bell. After various drafts of this request, it was finally approved by the Philadelphia Procrastination Club membership 50 years after their formation.

The Whitechapel Foundry of London issued approval for the return of the bell with the stipulation that the bell be returned with its "ORIGINAL PACKAGING".