misc jokes

Two women were talking on the phone. "Gilda, I just saw an ad on TV advertising a new weight loss program. It's called 'Your Chance to be Slim'."

"I heard about 'Your Chance to be Slim', Olga, and I know some people who tried it," replied Gilda.

"And how did go for them?"

"Not good."

"So what do you think the prognosis is of ME losing weight on this diet?"

"Slim chance."

Everyone seems to be asking me, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?"

I always answer, "Five years from now, I'll see myself like I always do. In a mirror."

A group of hippies gathered underneath the Washington Monument around a small bond fire.

A drunk staggered by took a long look at them and then a long look up at the Monument.

After a deep thought moment, the drunk says to the group, "You'll never get that rocket off the ground."

A guy driving a small car pulled up to a stop light next to a luxury car. He rolled down his window and shouted to the other driver, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a Hi-Fi sound system in your car? I've got a Hi-Fi sound system in my car!"

The driver of the luxury car looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a Hi-Fi sound system."

The driver of the small car said, "That's great man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my car!"

The driver of the luxury car, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. My car is is one of the finest cars in the world!"

The driver of the small car said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my car!"

The driver of the luxury car, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his car.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his vehicle, and the bed looked superb. It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a luxury car.

So the driver began searching for the small car. He drove around all day and finally found it late that night. It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.

He got out and knocked on the window of the small car. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

"I now have a bed in the back of my car," the driver of the luxury car stated arrogantly.

The driver of the small car looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?!"