word play jokes

Paddy and Murphy are wandering in the desert fortunately they have plenty of water but no food.
Murphy finally gives up sitting down on the ground and he tells Paddy to go on without him. Paddy protests but gets nowhere so he walks on without his friend only to return screaming Murphy, Murphy come quickly you wont believe your eyes and tells Murphy of a fantastical tree he has just found with a bacon butty on every branch.
Murphy picks himself up and protesting all the way as he makes his way to the top of the ridge only to look down into a bowl shaped valley, at one solitary tree with a sandwich on every branch.
The two friends run to the tree and pick a sandwich off the tree and take a bite only for a hundred screaming ancient warriors to appear intent on taking there lives.
Murphy says “Paddy this was no bacon butty tree this was a ham bush”

Do you know why a roach clip is called a roach clip?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.

***Punny News Headlines***

Metal fans keep cool at concert...
Limbo dancers reach new low....
Lawyer loses his case- Finds it in Car....
Cellmates complete each other sentences...
Global explorer finds himself....
Missing link found online....

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.