Best Jokes

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office. “Why is your stomach so big?” he asks.

“I'm having a baby,” she replies.

“Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, with his big eyes.

“Yes, it is.”

“Is it a good baby?”

“Oh, yes. A really good baby.”

Shocked and surprised, the little boy asks, “Then why did you eat him?”

What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?

Happy Independence Day!

My wife and I went on vacation to a fishing resort. I liked to fish at the crack of dawn. My wife liked to read. One morning I returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although my wife wasn't familiar with the lake, she decided to take the boat and enjoy the beautiful morning on the water. So she took the boat out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside my wife and said, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” my wife replied, “Isn't it obvious?”

“You're in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.

“But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,” snapped my irate wife.

“But, I haven't even touched you,” groused the sheriff.

“Yes, that's true,” she replied with a slight smile, “But you do have all the equipment.”

MORAL: Never argue with a redhead.