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Favorite this joke Three psychiatrists who are attending a convention decide to take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agree that this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."
The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting...
She's very lovely but is best appreciated at a distance.
Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"
The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"
The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"
The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"
Jane says, "No."
"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.
"No," says Jimmy's mom.
The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"
Again Jane says, "No."
"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.
"No," says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"
To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!
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