Best Jokes

Yo momma so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number!

When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.

Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer."

As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.

"Only to mow my lawn."

A hesitant driver, waiting for a traffic jam to clear, came to a complete stop on the freeway ramp. Traffic thinned, but the driver still waited.

Finally, a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, “The sign says to yield, not give up!”

A saleswoman is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

"Don't you have a phone in your car?"

"That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

"Uh... how's that working?"

"Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

"And why do you think that is?"

"I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."