Best Jokes

A middle aged man buys himself a brand new convertible sports car and having just picked it up from the showroom decides to take it for a drive. Enjoying the wind in his hair as he takes another bend just kissing the apex he spies in the rear view mirror a policeman on a motorbike. Immediately he puts his foot on the gas and is soon approaching 100 miles an hour, then he comes to his senses and pulls over.

As the policeman approaches the man starts to apologies when the officer says...

“Look its 5:15PM on a sunny Friday afternoon and my shift ends in a few minuets if you can give me an excuse I have not heard before I will let you go.”

He replies “Officer my wife left me for a policeman 6 years ago and when I saw you in my mirror I though you were trying to bring her back to me.”

With this the officer closed his ticket book and waved the man on.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

If 7-11 is open 24/7 why do they have a lock on the door?

A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.
Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs.

When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?"

"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly, "Three chairs for the Baptists," he enunciated.

The usher's face lit up he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"