Best Jokes

You know you've reached middle age...

When you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

Dear Customer Service,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

My Grandpa used to sit in a rocking chair. He had a recliner, but didn't use it because it wasn't comfortable for him.

So one night when were were over there, Dad tried putting shims under the recliner feet to change the angle, to see if that would make it better for him. While we were doing that, Grandma was rummaging around in the closet and knocked over a box of marbles.

That is forever stuck in my mind as the night Grandpa was off his rocker and Grandma lost her marbles.

When I was young, I was poor...

But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.