Best Jokes

After and exhaustive search for an apartment in New York City a man had just arrived at the last possibility listed in the paper. He asked a lady in the lobby where he might find suite number 803.

She replied obviously your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top so…

The man interrupted her before she could say another word and replied sharply, lady, its obvious you’re rude. She left in a huff!

He saw another woman enter the building so he asked her the same question.

She answered by saying; if you’re going to 803 you’ll need to walk the last flight of stairs because the elevator only goes to the seventh floor. Oh, and I see you met Mrs. Stanley; she owns the building.

Billy always had problems with math so he used his fingers and toes for adding and subtracting. One day he didn't have enough fingers or toes to figure out the problem. His best friend took off his shoes and held up his fingers so Billy could figure it out. The moral of the story is that in times of need, you can always 'count on' your best friend!

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."