Best Jokes

A man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip, three pennies.

As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man. Barely able to conceal his pride."

The man utters, "Hmm, true enough."

"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."

"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

A middle aged man buys himself a brand new convertible sports car and having just picked it up from the showroom decides to take it for a drive. Enjoying the wind in his hair as he takes another bend just kissing the apex he spies in the rear view mirror a policeman on a motorbike. Immediately he puts his foot on the gas and is soon approaching 100 miles an hour, then he comes to his senses and pulls over.

As the policeman approaches the man starts to apologies when the officer says...

“Look its 5:15PM on a sunny Friday afternoon and my shift ends in a few minuets if you can give me an excuse I have not heard before I will let you go.”

He replies “Officer my wife left me for a policeman 6 years ago and when I saw you in my mirror I though you were trying to bring her back to me.”

With this the officer closed his ticket book and waved the man on.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

If 7-11 is open 24/7 why do they have a lock on the door?