Best Jokes

Two friends, a guy and a girl, were having a chat...

Guy: Do you know I like a girl, but I don't think that she would like me.
Girl: Don't worry, she will like you. I bet you ten dollars that she will definitely like you!
Guy: Okay, then fine, we have a deal. (Pause) Do you like me?
Girl: Nope, you are not my type.
Guy: You owe me ten dollars.

Which burns longer, bagpipes or a banjo?

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just:

* sits in your living room,
* messes up your stuff,
* eats your food,
* uses your telephone,
* takes your money,
* and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place...

You either married it or gave birth to it?

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc.

SOOOOoooooooooo I'm the only one who would be using Female products.....correct?

A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. * Insert Twilight Zone theme here *

Ok....A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.

The next month (T.O.M) I go back to the cupboard.....and VOILA....there is only ONE tampon left again. What's going on here? Gremlins??? I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it.

WELL.....I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW and BEHOLD....at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves.

I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????

I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I'm thinking, "Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?"

I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to "COME HERE!!!!"

They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet.

I said "What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!"

My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.

My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. "Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff... and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles... What do YOU use them for?"

"NEVER MIND!! GO PLAY!!!!"