Best Jokes

A really dumb woman tries to use her computer, but it wouldn't work. So she calls a computer repairman to come out and fix it. The computer repairman comes and looks at the computer. He notices that it wasn't plugged in, so he plugs it in. He starts up the computer and the woman was so overjoyed that she asks him what was wrong with the computer. He replied that it was an "I D 10 T error"

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

"Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes."

"Did it hurt?" "Just a little."

"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun."

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?"

Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica?

A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears.

Mike Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.

The Dentist's Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn: The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn: There is a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn: Standing On The Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn: Open My Eyes That I May See
The IRS Agent's Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn: Send Out Thy Light
The Shopper's Hymn: Sweet By And By

For those of you who drive, if you must speed on the highway, please sing these......

45 mph: God Will Take Care Of You
55 mph: Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
65 mph: Nearer My God To Thee
75 mph: Nearer Still Nearer
85 mph: This World Is Not My Home
95 mph: Lord, I'm Coming Home
Over 100 mph: Precious Memories