Best Jokes

I have had a really good grades since the first grade, my mother is always proud of me every time she sees my report card.

Good thing she doesn't know I always show her the same report card.

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

Her daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts." Needless to say, Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, "Be not afraid, Thy comforter is coming."

One evening I was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to me and asked me for two dollars.

First I asked him, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then I asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

After giving the bum the two dollars that he had asked for, I asked the bum, "Now, will you come home with me, so that my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"