Best Jokes

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
“I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”

But the blonde insisted saying,
“No. A bet’s a bet.”

Then the redhead said
“Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The blonde replied
“Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”

What did the "T" say to "here"?
"Are we there yet?"

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Santa!"
Doctor: "Your suffering from Claus-trophobia."

A Rabbi and a Priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the Priest's collar and says,

"So you're a Priest. I'm a Rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The Rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the Rabbi.

The Rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Priest.

The Priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."