Best Jokes

I love you more than yesterday...

Yesterday you just got on my nerves!

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"

"Gave me a longer cane."

"My computer suddenly started belting out 'Someone Like You.'"

"Why?"

"Because it's A-Dell."

The old definition of a split second is the time between the light turning green and when the driver behind you honks their horn.

The new definition of a split second is the time between when the commercial starts and your spouse says, "You have the remote!"