Best Jokes

Man: Baby, you so fine, I want to be different and give you this here line.

Woman: This ain't a line, this is a folded up piece of paper!

Man: Please open the paper and say what you see.

Woman: What is this, all I see is a line???!!!

Man: Yes, and if you put it to your ear, it will be a line you never heard before!

A very drunk man turns up at his house at 6 o'clock in the morning with his hair and clothes disheveled. His long suffering wife, who has been waiting up all night, shouts at him furiously, "I hope you have a good reason for getting home blind drunk at this time of the morning!"

"Yes," replied the man, "I was hoping for some breakfast!"

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.

"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."

"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."

Wife to husband...

"This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts... like ties and fur coats."