Best Jokes

“Your Honor,” said the smartest lawyer in the world, “my client is not guilty. He merely inserted his arm into a window and stole some jewelry. His arm is not himself. I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by one arm.”

“I agree,” nodded the judge. “I hereby sentence the defendant’s arm to one year in prison. He may accompany the arm or not.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” said the defendant as he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

What is Kylo Ren's favorite car make?

Han-Die.

My daughter went to her fast food restaurant and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for minimal lettuce...

He said, "Sorry, but we only carry iceberg lettuce."

I don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year...

My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she going to make a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.