Best Jokes

My kids were fighting over their toys. I warned them if they kept it up I would take the toys away. They didn’t stop so I took them away to teach them a lesson.

Afterwards, they were still fighting. I said, “That’s it!” and gave them their toys back.

Lesson learned.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men...

It only seems longer!

Do you ever wonder...

Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?

Congratulations to me!

I just made my last mortgage payment...

I still owe like $262,000, I'm just not going to pay them any more.