Best Jokes

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring...

The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel I've dyed a little inside.

"Mary, if you were a four legged animal and you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"

"I don't know," said Mary, "but whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."

Definition of Myrrh...

Myrrh: i. a type of perfume or incense;
ii. the second gift of the Magi;
iii. a great scrabble word when you are out of vowels.