Why couldn't the cardiologist perform an aorta transplant on his sister?
He didn't have the heart.
Ricky: You really don't look good.
Bob: I have a cold.
Ricky: My goodness, AND you have a cold too!
Being an older parent, my son learned to count...
By filling my pill dispenser.
Tip: Save business cards of people you don't like.
If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, "Sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.