Best Jokes

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'

When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.

When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.

I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.

Tried to read the dictionary in bed last night.

Didn't finish it.

Got up to 'P'.

A priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed.

It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the gender of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service.

Thinking quickly, as he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives were seated, he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.

"Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Your handwriting seems very large, why is that?"

"Well, Grandma can't hear well, so I'm writing very loudly."