Best Jokes

A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times.

So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!”

“Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”

Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?"

Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. On that note, I'd like to remind you about the $800 that you owe me."

A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless.

The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.

Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”