Best Jokes

A manufacturer retired and moved to the country. He put on denims, boots, and a plaid shirt, and became a country gentleman. An old friend came to visit. The country gentleman showed him around.

In the barn, chewing at straw nonchalantly, was the farm's pride and joy, a horse. The host asked, "Wanna go for a buggy ride?"

"I've never been in a buggy," the guest said.

"I go riding just about every day. I hitch up and ride through the woods."

The country gentleman started to harness up the horse, but the animal, happy enough in the barn, resisted having the bit put in his mouth. It was obvious that the new farmer had no idea of how to harness a horse. After the tenth attempt to get the horse to open its mouth so the bit could be slipped in, the guest said, "Why don't you wait until he yawns?"

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?"

I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting neutered today," I told him.

"Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels."

A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided...

If cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone!