Best Jokes

Customer: Barkeep, what’s the special today?

Barkeep: It’s an original drink we call the Zomazoid. It’s made with 2 shots each of 100 proof alcohols. It contains Vodka, Tennessee Whiskey, Tequila, and Scotch, topped with Irish Cream and Banana slices.

Customer: What do the customers that order this drink say about it?

Barkeep: No one really knows, we can’t understand what they’re saying.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me a Happy Birthday.

He asked me how old I was and I told him, "72."

My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then asked, "Did you start at 1?"

As a kid, I got lectured for only doing the bare minimum to complete a task.

As an engineer, I get paid to do just that.

Women's Friends:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.

Men's Friends:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.