Best Jokes

Harold: Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge is not dangerous.

Morris: How can you say that?

Harold: It’s s fact. Jumping off is not dangerous—it’s the sudden stop at the end that is.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.

The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.

"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.

"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."

"Yes -- so what?"

"Think about it," said the mystic reverently. "That little bottle -- how does it know?"

Why did you stop going to the gym?

I stopped going because I get enough of a workout exercising bad judgment.

While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, "Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?

To which the diver replied, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."